“I Only Smoke Cubans” (And Other Retail Conversations That Waste Your Time)
- The Cigar Profit
- 1 hour ago
- 9 min read
How to handle the self-declared experts, the price-checkers, and the guys who walk into your shop thinking they’re doing you a favor.
July 8, 2025 | Jonathan Lipson | Founder & President | The Cigar Profit Consulting
You’ve Met Him. You Know Him. You Might’ve Argued With Him.
He walks into your humidor, sunglasses on indoors, maybe his phone is on speaker, “talking” at his stockbroker.
He says it before he even gets past the first shelf:
“I only smoke Cubans.”
Not hello. Not what do you recommend?
Just that one line - loud enough for everyone to hear.
Or maybe it’s his cousin:
The guy who pulls out his phone mid-conversation and says,
“Actually, I can get that box online for cheaper.”
These guys don’t just slow down the sale.
They infect your staff’s morale.
They kill the energy in your store.
And they make your actual customers feel like they’re doing it wrong.
But here’s the part most retailers miss:
These guys can be flipped.
Or filtered.
Or at the very least - neutralized without a fight.
You don’t need to argue.
You don’t need to educate them out of their ego.
You just need a system that turns loudness into opportunity - and when that fails, control the exit with class.
Let’s break down how to deal with the “Cuban guy,” the internet shopper, and every version of the guy who walks in trying to beat you at your own game.
Because this isn’t about one cigar - it’s about your shop’s tone, and who’s allowed to shape it.
Ego Guy: Prestige Over Palate
You know him before he opens his mouth.
He doesn’t ask questions. He makes statements. He name-drops farms he’s never been to and regions he couldn’t find on a map. And if the conversation moves past cigars, he’ll tell you where he gets his suits tailored, how much his watch costs, or which yacht club he “used to be a part of.”
But in this case, his power move is:
“I only smoke Cubans.”
Now pause. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t fact-dump. Don’t rush to pull out a Dominican banger and challenge his ego. Don’t reiterate for the 90 millionth time that Cubans are illegal in the US. And, even if you happen to have a small, illicit stash in your back office, you’re not going to sell those to him anyway.
Instead, start by recognizing this: he’s not talking about cigars - he’s talking about himself.
He’s saying: “I’m not just a guy who smokes cigars. I’m the guy who smokes the right cigars.”
So you don’t educate him with a lecture. You mirror his language, then pivot with subtle confidence:
“Totally understand. A lot of our clientele started with Cubans too. But let me ask - what do you like about them? Strength? Flavor? Nostalgia?”
Nine out of ten times, he won’t have a real answer. But now you’ve softened the bravado by turning it into a conversation instead of a confrontation.
Next, you seed doubt gently - with a story, not a sermon:
“I had a guy in here last month, similar mindset - only Cubans for 20 years. Said he wouldn’t touch anything else. Then he tried a Nicaraguan created by an ex-Habanos master blender, and now he’s texting me photos of empty boxes.”
The ego guy wants to feel seen and respected - but he’s also open to being the exception
to his own rule if it makes him feel like a connoisseur rather than a convert.
So don’t “convert” him. Reframe the narrative.
“You’ve got the Cuban thing covered. Let’s find you something that’s worth comparing it to - and then you can be the guy who discovered what the next guy hasn’t.”
That’s how you sell to him - without ever making him feel like he was wrong.
Internet Guy: Transactional to a Fault
He walks in already skeptical.
He’s done “research” - Reddit threads, Facebook groups, maybe he set Google alerts to ping him every time there’s a price drop…
He’s not here to discover.
He’s here to price-check you.
“I can get that box $30 cheaper online.”
“Do you price match?”
“Why are you charging more than ‘name the internet giant here’?”
You can feel it coming before he even opens his mouth - he’s examining the humidor with his phone out like a barcode scanner.
And while you might want to dismiss him, here’s the hard truth:
That guy could be your best customer - if you shift the conversation.
Don’t compete. Differentiate.
You’re not in a race to the bottom. If you chase the internet guy down the price rabbit hole, you lose on margin, trust, and control.
Instead, reframe:
“I get it. Online can be cheaper on paper - but they’re not going to walk you through what actually smokes best from this batch. They’re not going to check the humidity or catch the box with burn issues before it gets to your hands.”
Now you’ve planted a value seed he didn’t factor in. Experience. Quality control. Immediate gratification.
Offer “earned” exclusivity.
You can’t beat the algorithm - but you can beat the experience.
“That cigar you’re eyeing - yeah, you could order it. But if you want something from that same blender, same region, aged to perfection and never sold online - I’ve got something in back I only offer guys I know have sophisticated palates.”
He came in transactional. You just offered him access.
That flips the dynamic.
Build micro-loyalty.
The internet guy isn’t loyal to a shop - he’s loyal to efficiency.
The reality:
He’s standing in your shop. Right here. Right now.
If you become his shortcut, you win.
“Let me grab your name and number. When something drops that hits your flavor range and price point, I’ll text you first. You’ll never waste a dime on something that under-delivers.”
Now you’re not a retailer - you’re a personal cigar concierge.
That’s the evolution. You don’t compete with the internet - you become the reason he doesn’t have to rely on it anymore.
Train Your Staff to Spot the Tell-Tale Signs Early
Not every customer walks in announcing their intentions. But if your team learns to read the room - before the first words are spoken - you win the interaction before it even starts.
This isn’t profiling. It’s pattern recognition. And in retail, that’s survival.
Body Language and Vibe Check
The Ego Guy? He enters like he owns the place - usually alone, usually with something to prove. He’ll talk loudly near other customers, trying to sound like a connoisseur.
The Internet Guy? He walks in silently, sometimes awkwardly. His eyes scan price tags - not selection. His phone’s already out before he gets to the second shelf. He’s not interested in conversation - until he’s “caught” price-checking.
Train your team to recognize:
Scanning behavior: Eyes darting around, not focused on the cigars themselves.
Device dependency: Phone in-hand, comparing prices or “researching” on the spot.
The lean-in name-drop: “You guys don’t carry ‘name an obscure brand here’?” (in front of another customer).
Tone mismatch: Casual question with a smug undertone.
These are all tells. Not threats. But if your staff misses them, you’re letting the customer steer the conversation - and the vibe.
The First 30 Seconds Matter Most
If your employee says “Can I help you find anything?” with all the warmth of a cold voicemail, the battle’s already lost.
Instead, staff should lead with confident, non-invasive presence:
“Just a heads up - this week’s delivery of ‘X Brand’ came in smoking better than usual. If you’re into medium-to-full, I’ve got something off the radar you might like.”
Or:
“I’ll give you space, but if anything looks interesting and you want background - or what’s been moving with regulars - I’m your guy.”
This gives them agency without surrendering the floor.
Don’t Just React - Roleplay
If your team only learns from real-world blowups, you’re setting them up to lose.
Make roleplay part of your regular rhythm. Pick a “customer persona” each week and have employees practice:
Spotting the type
Guiding the energy
Using the right disarming language
Recovering if the interaction goes sideways
Log the Interaction - Yes, Really
If you’ve got a CRM or even a decent logbook, make it a policy:
Every friction point gets recorded.
Who said what.
What the staff response was.
What worked - and what didn’t.
Why?
Because patterns emerge.
If five guys a month ask why you don’t carry “Brand X”…
Maybe it’s time to explore bringing it in or build an “alternatives” shelf with signage that says: “Smokes like “Brand X” or “Brand Y.”
If people keep price-checking the same brand…
Maybe its time to reevaluate your relationship with that vendor.
You’re not just dealing with problems.
You’re mining the problems for strategy.
Train for the Win
Your staff isn’t going to get it right every time. But when they do? Celebrate it.
Replay the moment in your next team huddle.
Call out the phrasing that landed.
Build a cheat sheet of proven responses that work in your shop, with your clientele.
You're creating a feedback loop of value.
Not just reacting to pain points - but engineering future profit.
Because when you know how to flip the bad customer energy into better operations, better marketing, and better morale…
You don’t just survive the ego and economics -
You monetize them.
Your cigar shop isn’t just a sales floor. It’s a stage. And your staff needs to rehearse for the toughest acts if you want the performance to land.
When to Cut Them Loose (With Class)
Not every customer is worth saving.
Some people walk into your shop already committed to proving you wrong, draining your energy, and wasting your time.
And that’s fine - because you don’t have to win every fight to win the war.
What you do need is a way to exit the interaction without torpedoing your shop’s atmosphere, your staff’s morale, or your brand’s reputation.
Know the Tipping Point
There’s a difference between a skeptic and a saboteur.
A skeptic asks questions, challenges you, maybe even grumbles - but they’re open to being proven wrong.
A saboteur?
They dominate the humidor.
They mock other customers’ choices.
They fish for discounts they’re never going to appreciate.
The moment someone starts sucking the oxygen out of the room - they’re done.
That’s not arrogance. That’s leadership.
You’re not just protecting the sale.
You’re protecting the culture of your store.
Disarm, Then Disengage
You don’t have to fight.
You don’t have to be snarky.
You just have to exit cleanly.
Here’s how that sounds:
“I can tell you know what you like - sounds like you’ve already got your go-tos locked in. I don’t want to waste your time. If you ever feel like trying something different, you know where we are.”
That’s it.
Respectful. Clear.
You’ve preserved their ego, protected your team, and moved the interaction to a close -
on your terms.
If they walk? Great.
If they bite? Even better.
Now your humidor can breathe again.
Empower Your Staff to Say “No”
Your frontline team needs permission to disengage with bad customers.
Not everyone’s going to be comfortable doing it at first. So set the standard:
If someone is rude, condescending, or combative - staff can loop in a manager or tap out with a handoff.
If a customer becomes disruptive to others, they get one chance to course-correct.
If it’s clear they’re not buying and just posturing - staff can gracefully exit.
You’re not creating a shop full of bouncers.
You’re creating a shop where your best people aren’t trapped by the worst ones.
Let Your Regulars Watch You Lead
When you cut someone loose professionally, the right way, it sends a message:
“We’re not desperate for sales here.”
“We protect our customers and our team.”
“We’re not afraid to say no.”
That builds trust with your regulars.
Because they’ve all seen it happen - the loudmouth who ruins the room, who talks over everyone, who tries to make the shop about them.
They want to know you’ve got it under control.
When they see that you do?
You don’t just retain them.
You deepen their loyalty.
Your Store, Your Standard
This is your house!!!
And the second you forget that - or let someone else set the tone - you lose the one thing no online discounter, social media “expert,” or self-important blowhard can ever buy:
Authority.
Don’t Let Bad Customers Define Your Brand
Every “I only smoke Cubans” guy who goes unchecked…
Every internet sniper who gets to play pricing games with no pushback…
Every staff member forced to eat their frustration just to “keep the peace”...
Each one chips away at your store’s identity.
The culture of your shop isn’t just built by your best customers.
It’s protected by how you handle the worst ones.
Leadership Isn’t About Being Liked
It’s about being consistent.
It’s about protecting the experience - not just the margins.
When a customer walks into your shop, they’re entering a sacred space. A place where they can trust what’s being offered. A place where they’re not just buying cigars - they’re buying into something.
That doesn’t happen by accident.
It happens because you made a choice:
To correct misinformation with grace.
To enforce standards without ego.
To train your team to lead - not just to sell.
That’s not just good retail.
That’s real leadership.
The Stage Is Yours - Act Like It
At the end of the day, your shop is your stage.
You decide the script.
You cast the actors.
You control the spotlight.
Make sure the right stories are being told.
Make sure the loudest voices aren’t the ones defining your culture.
And make damn sure you’re the one running the show - not the customer with the biggest opinion.
Because once you start doing that?
You’re not just the owner of a cigar shop.
You’re the standard bearer for what premium retail should look like in this industry.
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Want a second set of eyes on how your team handles problem customers? Need help refining your retail script or training your staff to command the humidor with confidence?
That’s what The Cigar Profit is built for.
Let’s sharpen the way your shop talks, sells, and leads - together.