Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Negotiation Will Not Hurt Me

You negotiate every day. You just don’t know it yet.

7/29/50 | Jonathan Lipson | Founder & President | The Cigar Profit Consulting

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You’re Already in the Room - You Just Haven’t Noticed

You don’t need a contract in front of you to be in a negotiation. You’re already in one.

Negotiation is happening every day, in plain sight. The only difference is whether you’re steering it - or being steered by it.

Every email where someone dodges a deadline. Every meeting where the real decision maker “isn’t available.” Every client who asks for more without saying what they’re willing to give. Every time you hesitate before asking for what you want.

That’s a negotiation.

But the reason you don’t recognize it is because you’ve been trained not to. Since childhood, you’ve been fed the language of compliance. Told to be “fair,” to “share,” to “wait your turn.” You heard it from teachers, from coaches, from politicians on TV - anyone who benefited from keeping the room calm. Then came the corporate layer: bad bosses, bloated org charts, a bookshelf of MBA lies - all reinforcing the myth that negotiation is something formal. Something reserved for boardrooms. With paperwork. A closing number. A suit.

That’s a lie.

Negotiation is happening every day, in plain sight. The only difference is whether you’re steering it - or being steered by it.

And here’s the kicker: most people aren’t just bad at negotiating…They don’t even know they’re supposed to be negotiating.

They accept the first number. They apologize for asking.They duck the discomfort.

And when the deal goes sideways, they’re left holding the bag.

It’s not that they’re weak. It’s that they were never taught the game.

Or worse, they were taught the wrong one.

Because this isn’t about out-talking someone. It’s not about playing hardball. And it sure as hell isn’t about flooding the room with stats and spreadsheets hoping something sticks.

This is about behavior.

Emotion.

Tone.

Timing.

Control.

It’s about knowing what’s really going on beneath the surface of a conversation - and adjusting your approach before someone else adjusts it for you.

You’ve been negotiating your whole life. You just haven’t been doing it with intent.

That changes now.

Because if you can recognize when the negotiation starts - You can set the pace - before the other side knows they’re on the clock.

How We Stopped Asking: From the Marketplace to the Price Tag

At one point in human history, everything was negotiated.

You wanted grain? You brought something to trade.

You wanted peace?

You made an offer.

You wanted to survive? You scanned for threat, measured every breath and timed your ask like your life depended on it - because it did.

That was the original economy: conversation, leverage, exchange.

And it worked. Not because people had contracts or spreadsheets - but because they understood value was dynamic. It shifted based on circumstance, urgency and the people in front of them. In that world, negotiation wasn’t an event. It was a skill for staying alive.

Then came coin. Then came price tags. Then came policy.

And slowly, negotiation moved from a human instinct… to something that made people uncomfortable.

The industrial age gave us incredible efficiency - but it also gave us fixed pricing, retail culture and systems built around don’t ask, just pay.

Price sheets replaced conversation.Terms and conditions replaced dialogue.

And eventually, pushing back became socially awkward.

Somewhere between trading post and quarterly quota, we replaced negotiation with compliance.

We told employees not to rock the boat. Customers the price is the price. Each other? Nod, smile, say thank you - even when the deal’s upside down.

And let’s be honest - some of that conditioning runs deep.

Ever seen someone lowball a vendor and walk away with the deal of the day - and you felt secondhand embarrassment, even though you knew it was part of the dance? That’s not logic. That’s a reflex you were taught.

Now apply that to the boardroom. Or your logistics contract. Or your distributor agreement. Or your own pricing.

We’ve spent decades sanitizing negotiation out of our systems.

Making it feel dirty. Confrontational. Impolite.

And it’s cost us: money, clarity, respect and leverage.

But here’s the good news: it’s not gone.

It’s just dormant.

And waking it up doesn’t mean getting aggressive.

It means getting intentional.

Because once you understand how we lost the ask - You’ll know exactly how to take it back.

It Feels Like Logic Should Win - But It Doesn’t

It feels like negotiation should be logical.

You lay out the facts. They weigh the numbers. The better case wins.

But that’s not how deals are made.

Because logic isn’t how people decide.

It’s how they defend the decisions they’ve already made - emotionally.

And when that logic doesn’t land, most people freeze. Confused. Frustrated. Maybe even insulted.

Here’s why:

Call me cynical, but from where I’m sitting, logic only works in two places: courtrooms and computer code.

Courtrooms have structure.

Rules of evidence. Clear winners and losers.

Code is even simpler.

Feed in inputs, get predictable outputs. No guesswork. No ego.

But business?

Business is none of that.

You’re not writing software.

You’re not arguing statute.

You’re navigating uncertainty - with people whose priorities aren’t always visible, and whose reactions aren’t always rational.

You cite ROI. They feel risk.And suddenly, the conversation’s no longer about numbers - it’s about comfort. Control. Face.

That’s what the logic-first crowd misses.

They think numbers will earn trust - when really, they’re just sidestepping discomfort and hoping the math closes the deal for them.

But logic doesn’t account for what’s actually on the table:

One side’s protecting a budget.

The other’s protecting credibility.

One’s stressed about timelines.

The other’s trying not to look weak in front of their team.

None of that fits in a spreadsheet.

But it’s exactly what shapes the outcome.

So unless you’re litigating or debugging...Stop expecting logic to do the heavy lifting.

Because even when your numbers are airtight - If the other side feels boxed in, bulldozed or blindsided...

You don’t win.

You stall.

Or worse -You blow up trust you didn’t even know was yours to lose.

What Actually Works: Behavioral Strategy Over Boardroom Theater

The moment tension shows up, most people make one of two mistakes:They either get loud or they get small.

They over-explain. Over-sell. Over-justify.Or they fold - shrinking their ask to avoid the discomfort of being told no.

Neither one works.

Because both moves signal the same thing: loss of control.

See, what works in real negotiation isn’t pressure.

It’s pacing.

It’s not pushing harder - it’s knowing when not to push at all.

The pros - the ones who negotiate for keeps - don’t flood the room with language.

They study the tempo.

They hold the silence.

They wait just long enough for the other side to reveal something they didn’t mean to.

That’s not a trick. That’s presence.

And presence is what makes the difference between closing a deal and chasing one.

You walk into a conversation and within thirty seconds, you’ve already learned everything you need - if you’re watching the right things.

Not what’s said. What’s avoided.

Not what’s offered. What’s protected.

You can feel when someone’s bluffing.

Yoy can sense when a number’s soft.

Yoy can hear when “that’s the best we can do” is really just the starting point.

But only if you stop trying to prove your position - and start observing theirs.

That’s behavioral strategy.

It’s knowing the other side is just as uncomfortable as you are…

but they’ll relax if they feel safe,

they’ll move if they feel seen,

and they’ll share if you give them the room to do it.

This isn’t about technique.

It’s about control - not of the outcome, but of yourself.

Because when you hold your position without forcing it,

you invite the other side to step into it willingly.

And that’s what a real negotiator does:

They don’t force their way in.

They make the other side want to open the door.

You’re not there to argue. You’re there to surface truth.

And once the truth is out, the right deal usually reveals itself.

How They Hijack You: Manipulation in Motion

If you’ve stuck around this long… and still think negotiation isn’t emotional -

You’re not paying attention. 

You’re getting played.

It’s not the numbers that stall a deal. It’s the narrative. The tone shift. The emotional curveball thrown in just to knock you off balance. And most people take the bait.

“That’s not fair.”

“I’m insulted.”

“You’re wasting my time.”

“You came all the way here…”

They’re not counters. They’re emotional traps. Behavioral plays designed to reframe the situation and make you feel like the problem.

Moral Framing: that’s when someone trades facts for feelings, forcing you to defend your character instead of your position.

Leverage Theater: when they fake outrage, act wounded or walk out in protest - just to see if you’ll chase.

Urgency Pressure: “You’re here now.” “I can’t hold this price.” “This is a one-time shot.” These aren’t constraints. They’re traps - pressure plays meant to rush your judgment and shortcut your logic.

The car dealership? Classic stage for all of it. You make an offer, and suddenly the room changes temperature.

“That’s insulting.”

“This isn’t a flea market.”

“You clearly don’t understand how this works.”

Yes. You do. That’s why you made the offer.

But now you’re not talking about the deal anymore - you’re defending your tone. Your intent. Your decency.

And that’s the trick. The moment you take the bait, you’re not negotiating. You’re explaining. And once you’re explaining, you’re not leading - you’re reacting.

Here’s the pro move: don’t bite.

Recognize the tactic. Control the beat. Hold your line. The amateur hears “I’m offended” and thinks the deal is over. The pro hears it and knows: the other side just blinked.

If they walk out, let them. That might be their script. If the value’s real, they’ll be back.

The real question isn’t whether you upset them.

It’s whether you let that upset rewrite your strategy.

Because the second you start negotiating against your own comfort…

You’re not negotiating anymore.

You’re complying.

And if you’re not the end consumer, your compliance isn’t the finish line - it’s the setup for someone else’s failure.

Where Deals Actually Get Decided

The negotiation doesn’t end when hands are shaken - it ends when product hits the shelf. Because that’s where theory meets friction, and where perception either validates your terms or buries them. Consumers don’t know your strategy, and they don’t care. They see the price, the value, the trust - or they don’t. And in premium cigars, or any goods industry, that’s the only vote that counts.

They don’t send counteroffers. They don’t ask for clarification. They just stop buying.

And when they walk, it’s not because of a single number. It’s because the story behind that number stopped making sense.

Why does that happen?

Because too many companies negotiate like they’re chasing trophies. Lowest landed cost. Fastest timeline. Tightest quote. But they’re not negotiating for sustainability. They’re not negotiating for what happens when freight doubles, or leaf supply gets tight, or the box supplier needs an extra month. They take the lowest bid, then act surprised when reality blows through the savings. No flexibility, no contingency, no foresight.

At first, it’s silent.

Then it hits. Retail prices jump. Packaging costs swell. Availability slips. And the story - the one the consumer had been buying into - breaks. It doesn’t feel real anymore. It feels padded. Inflated. Off.

That’s the crack in perception. And when perception breaks, the consumer doesn’t write a letter - they just find a new brand.

This isn’t a cigar problem. It’s a pattern across every product sector. But since you’re reading The Cigar Profit, let’s bring it home.

Premium cigars aren’t priced by math - they’re priced by meaning.

The sticker on the box signals everything: craft, scarcity, intent, value. A $12 cigar says something. So does a $35 one. And when that shift happens with no visible reason - no blend change, no packaging upgrade, no story progression - the price starts a fight the brand can’t win.

Now let’s be honest: the retailer doesn’t make the MSRP. They’re reacting to it. The brand owns that number - but that number is the sum total of every negotiation made upstream. And if those negotiations were built on guesswork, hope or edge-cutting - MSRP becomes a liability.

You see this all the time:

·         Freight baked in at yesterday’s rates.

·         Leaf quotes based on seasonal best-case

·         No triggers for second-run inefficiencies

·         No contingency for currency shifts or labor gaps

·         No real support plan downstream to hold the line when prices flex

So the brand does what it thinks it has to do: it hikes MSRP.

Now the retailer’s stuck. Either adjust and take the heat or eat the difference. Neither choice builds loyalty.

And the consumer? They don’t need an explanation. They already decided the story doesn’t hold.

That’s the cost of short-sighted negotiation. The invoice might be closed, but the real payment is still coming - through eroded trust, inconsistent availability and vanishing reorder volume.

Here’s the fix:

Negotiation isn’t just about shaving cents. It’s about building leverage that lasts. That means structuring terms with enough clarity and forethought to hold up under real pressure. Not theoretical pressure. Real-world volatility.

It means:

·         Contracts that account for seasonality and scaling

·         Agreements with real escalation clauses and trigger logic

·         Pricing that bakes in runway - not just a runway, but the fuel to use it

·         Risk-sharing terms built-in upfront - so alignment holds when the market doesn’t

That’s what good negotiation looks like.

Not a win on a spreadsheet. A price that survives the story it’s trying to tell.

Because in this category, when that story cracks - it’s not just a lost sale.

It’s a consumer that never comes back. And by the time you notice, they’re already gone.

Negotiation Isn’t a Battle - It’s a Boundary

People treat negotiation like it’s war.

Weapons drawn. Shields up.

One winner. One loser.

But that mindset? It’s a distraction.

Because real negotiation doesn’t start when the offer lands.

It starts the moment something feels off - and you choose whether to speak or swallow it.

You don’t need a crisis to negotiate.

You need awareness. And a spine.

Because every unspoken push, every quiet concession, every moment you let someone else redraw the map without checking the compass -

That’s how clarity erodes.

And when clarity goes, control goes with it.

The pros don’t wait for perfect timing.

They name the real stakes.

They define the non-negotiables.

They don’t leave the table wondering what just happened.

Because real negotiation isn’t about outsmarting the other side.

It’s about refusing to lie to yourself.

So no - it’s not a battle.But it is a line in the sand.

And if you won’t draw it, they will.

Because the deal doesn’t fall apart when the terms break down.

It falls apart when your standards do.

So, sticks and stones may break your bones but negotiation, done right, won’t hurt you.

It’s a shillelagh. And the pros know how to swing it.

The Work Starts Here: Strategy Isn’t Silent - and Neither Are We

You’ve made it this far, so let’s stop pretending this is just a thought exercise.

You’re reading The Cigar Profit because you already know the cost of unclear deals, weak MSRPs and vendor terms written in fantasy.

Premium cigars aren’t priced by math - they’re priced by meaning.

You’ve seen the margin disappear. You’ve watched reorder volume dry up. You’ve fielded the questions no brand ever wants to answer.

And if you're honest, you’ve probably made the same mistake others have - waiting until there’s a problem to start the negotiation that should’ve happened months earlier.

That ends now.

If you’re a brand owner, stop treating pricing like an afterthought and start structuring it like the brand story depends on it - because it does.

If you’re a retailer, stop carrying the weight of other people’s bad planning. You didn’t create the MSRP, but you’re the one paying the price when it fails.

If the answer isn’t a confident yes, it’s time to talk.

The Cigar Profit exists to make sure premium cigar brands, retailers, and manufacturers stop leaving leverage on the table We bring clarity to fog, structure to drift and strategy to chaos.

If you want to win shelf space, command margin, and protect perception at every touchpoint, don’t wait for the next problem to expose the cracks.

Start the conversation. Schedule an Exploratory Call Today.

Because in this business, perception isn’t optional - and neither is negotiation.